Love, Relationships and cheating... pt -1

On Several occasions when I go out to a mall or a book shop I often find myself ogling at good looking women and with the summers approaching often these already stunning women are wearing stunning dresses with a lot of boobies and legs showing. not that I am a pervert or an old world enthusiast but I would be wrong if I would say that I don't love the view. I do. But sometime also find some women looking and staring at me.. and not all of them look single.. like the other day there was this couple lets say somewhere in early thirties or late twenties visibly married were walking right next to me with their shopping cart in a large grocery store. yes folks i also do groceries once in a while it is fun to fill your cart with all those choc, cereals, coke, Pepsi, chips and what not... So this women turns around to pick something in the aisle and notices me and then every once in a while she has to do that .. soon it becomes a full blown ogling.. not i wonder was it harmless, was it just ogling, was it attraction, was it cheating, was it hormones , was it some hidden chemistry i don't know maybe will never know.. but then is she wrong...? probably her partner does the same all the time and maybe even flirts or sleeps with other women on one of his many supposed travels and off sites.....
Humans by nature are polygamous then why is it wrong to think of that other person.. supposed i know my partner does flirt and sleep with others or maybe our relationship is not working at all and we are there together for the heck of it then is it wrong to fulfill my carnal desires with someone else. what is cheating? well to each person it means different things.. to the one who feels cheated on everything is wrong but for the other person something usually triggers it.. maybe the better looking women, maybe someone who has more time for the other person, better understanding, more money list is endless...it could simple be also something for kicks.. would it be wrong for me to sleep with one of my gf's friends if we were not getting along and a breakup was imminent. Ans: I don't know. sometimes i feel yes it is cheating sometimes I don't. I don't know what my wife or gf is doing behind my back. yes you may call it a break of trust but again how can one be so sure. you only trust someone till it breaks and usually your trust breaks months or years after the deeds have been done and it only breaks if and when you find out.

Humans are a funny lot.. they do everything in hushed tones and behind locked doors and its always the other person who is wrong.. or some one else's husband or wife who is doing this slutty thing which women love gossiping about and men wish they could do the same too.. but the reality is everyone wants to do that other man or women and even when we can we do sometime and some people do and other just dont get the courage.. but is it all wrong..

to be continued in pt-2....

Why Men and Women cheat?

Why do people cheat...? Lets look at both sexes..

Men

Men have always cheated, are cheating as we speak and will always cheat. That's their nature... well at least most of them out there. Even if you as a female think that your husband/boyfriend has never cheated on you or will never then 99% chances are that you are wrong and equally the claim by your man that when he first met you he was a virgin. Take it from me.. that as we speak he is laying his eyes in the hot female in his office or even the big fat one with loads of cleavage showing. But why we men do that? Simple we can do it. Its easy in the modern day and world and its available.. the temptation that is. We do it for fun for the kick and even at times when we are simple bored with our women. it may be long term, one night stand, fling.. any form but its there and very common.

Women

Men and women cheat on their partners for different reasons. Men tend to cheat because they want more physical stimulation, while women generally have more psychological and emotional motives for cheating.

Women need bonding, love, care, compassion, respect, mental stimulation, praise.. when they dont get that they tend to wonder away to other things... some get into dull life of home, some into profession and some cheat. Women rarely cheat for sex. they cheat for love and care...For them sex in both incidental and a way to show their love. sex for them is an extension of their feelings and not vice versa like men..

Yes women also need sex... every human does and if she does not get it or get it right she too cheats for sex like men do.. is there anything wrong with that? cant really pass judgements here. You tell me what do you think?


Give your feedback here or email me at annoyinggeek@gmail.com


Also Read

   1. Cheating
   2. Cheating - A few Case Studies

Busy schedule..

OK. I am back... Been very busy for the last 2-3 days. and lots of things have happened in between including the windows 7 phone launch. Quiet a bit out there on the net and i haven't even have had time to read one article about it. Loads of work piling up and festive season on my head. gifts to be bought, shopping to be done, work to be done, reading etc etc to be done, exam to be given... phew! Already having withdrawal symptoms on booze and non-veg. And not many updates happening on my blog.

Btw heard the CWG is after all the bad press been doing very well. the athletes are happy, India winning medals and above all lots of people going to see the games. yey.

Talking of scams.. the IPL is back in news for all the wrong reasons again. sad and good. Sad cause why do Indians have all the corruption related incidents Why Why Why? Good cause i hope there will be less 20-20. Have had an overdose of it.

PS: Someone sent me a mail after reading my posts on relationship and cheating. The person concerned asks if  watching porn or fantasizing about someone else is also cheating. After all when you watch porn you do get turned on by someone who most likely looks and performs much better than your partner and lets face it you do ogle at their well endowed bodies.. what do you guys think? lemme know. Do you think this deserves another post? tell me tell me? you can post a comment or as usual email to me at annoyinggeek@gmail.com

Cheating - a few case studies.

My earlier post left a lot unsaid and i think it would not be fair unless i cover the topic in a bit more detail.

Lets start with a simple scenario.. Two families living nearby. One slightly well off good looking working  couple with kids and husband in an MNC. Second slightly less of f woman a housewife not good looking at all  husband makes ok money with one kid. Woman gets attracted to the other man. drops letters in his car. few phone calls and few days later the guy is caught by his wife tipped off by  her maid at the other woman's house. What he was doing there is anybody's guess. Who cheated who? Both. The woman instigated it. Why? Maybe physical/sexual attraction or the lure of a good lifestyle. Man why did he do it? The woman was older than the guy by maybe a couple of years too. Well men will most times go weak in the knees if a woman approaches him with sexual undertones. trust me for most men its very difficult to lay off in such a circumstance. Thats the way they are wired by god. Is it wrong? Maybe it is but then who said life is fair.

As i said in my earlier post humans are polygamous. someone pointed out men are polygamous but women rarely. Why? Simple. Men need to spread their seed like trees as far as they can for survival ( god dint think we will outlive and grow more powerful than any other species. he had made us animals too). While women need to hold on and be secure and make sure the offspring grows and survives.(again a throw back from ancient times). Also men have been designed to be more muscle and physical and hence the attraction to sex vs women who are more emotional and hence the emotional bonding stuff. Not that it does not work the other way but in a sense of generally speaking and averages. No wonder most women would agree to stay at home and enjoy the comforts if the men could provide more than the needs and for luxuries too. yes the times are changing and who knows what it evolves to but as of now and historically women are happy to play the sheet anchor role while men strive to earn a living. Most women will argue this point but lets face it somewhere it is true to a large extent weather forced by societies or nature. What do these lines have to do with cheating. Well in my earlier post remember i had said women who stay at home have less chances of their husbands cheating since they are able to dedicate more time to them. Yes i know you now are referring to my above example but you see there the woman cheated not the man.

Lets take another example. A family of 3 happy and another family of 3 all happy. man changes job meets a new woman married with kid and happy. soon enough they are dating and going off on tours.. hmm sounds fishy .. Man gets caught and confronted by wife. the other woman gets caught and confronted by husband. Both acknowledge to the affair but refuse to leave their partners. Why? What they get from each other is what was missing in their marriage.be it emotional bonding, good sex or even thrill or adventure. could be anything which drove them close and the fact that they were close in proximity and spending long hours at work together helped their relationship. Could be that the couples individually had no chemistry who knows.

Lets take a 3rd example a couple in a relationship. not married almost no sex and when it happens looks like a task list point. Man meets someone say an old friend starts talking online soon attraction grows. but it stays at that. They talk about everything. now would you say that this is cheating? Yes and no. Yes cause he somewhere is attracted to this woman while being with another and doing all this behind her back. No because he is already breaking up with the first one. the strains are already there. Or is it ok to fulfill different needs from different people while still being in love with someone else? Is Sex outside a greater sin or emotional infidelity the greater one?Can a person be in love with my girl/boy friend  as the case maybe and still be platonically involved with someone else? Lemme know what you think.. a follow up post may be in the pipeline....

Cheating

I started to write a post on Cheating and had written about 250 words when something in mind went poof.. a blast from the past hit me... and then i gave up that post... spent the large part of the day thinking, walking, pondering again walking in the late evening...

As I walked on the street lined with a few Ashoka(also called Mast trees) trees, the moon in the distance and the soft cool breeze .. the buildings on the other side of the street starting to get decorated for the festive season and the sweet almost intoxicating smell of the Ashoka flowers which start to blossom just now in Delhi and stay that way till the onset of winter. They almost drive me mad.. the smell is so refreshing and intoxicating that one can almost achieve nirvana under that tree and I almost did... the smell is like having a 100 orgasms together and yet so refreshing that you feel like you had none and yet yearn for more... Anyway that made my mind a bit lighter and am back rewriting the entire post all over again with what i feel rather than what the world would make me feel about cheating.. 

What is Cheating? Def: Cheating is an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others,Cheating implies the breaking of rules (ref: Wikipedia).

But  then who sets the rules? Did god set the rules or we did? or the society did? What rules  did they set and why? Lets try and answer these questions and in the process raise a few for ourselves and other to answer.

Lets first define cheating for ourselves.Here we shall limit ourselves to Cheating in relationships and not any other form of financial cheating, exam cheating etc. I believe cheating is any act when someone's trust is broken. Trust which that person has put in you. The faith that you shall be with that person through thick and thin. To be one not only emotionally but also financially and sexually.  When do we learn to cheat? We first learn how to cheat when we are in school. And surprisingly its our parents who teach us how to do so. Confused? yes our parents did it to us and now we are doing it to our children. Remember who did your holiday homework for you including those stupid charts and projects and models? See now you say aah! but that's not cheating. It is my friend it is. We chat to get good grades in our holiday homework... soon enough we are cheating in our exams, sports.. the list just starts from there.As we grow older we start cheating professionally. we cheat our way through income tax, traffic rules you name it and we do it. But today we will just discuss cheating in terms of relationships.. and not just any relationships but relationships between man and woman, husband and wife, lovers whatever you wanna call it.

By the time we are mature enough to get married or be in a relationship (lets assume it is commited as other kinds of relationships are beyond the scope of this post) we are already lying, abusing our way through everything and the habit of cheating is already well entrenched in our systems. Most people cheat when they enter a relationship. How? Well they hide all previous history of other relationships, affairs and deny any form of sexual activity there by breaking the trust even before it has been well formed. Soon enough people start getting attracted to other people emotionally, sexually or  financially. Why? Because either or both of them don't trust each other and/or compulsive cheaters. The can also grow apart once the initial razmatazz wears of a new relationship and the daily grind hits us. But then why don't we just divorce or break up and move on to a new relationship? Why cheat? Answer is simple - I wanna have my cake and eat it too. Humans by nature are polygamous. Hence are geans are always pushing us to mate with more than one person in order to have the best gene pool in our offsprings... but somehow down the ages our society decided that we should remain commited to one person barring in some religions or societies where a man can have more than one wife but then even there why not the other way round? why cant the woman have more than one husband? Draupadi had 5 of them if you believe in legend.

The whole concept of cheating would disappear if we were allowed to have more than one partner. Don't you think so? I know of so many couples who live under one roof but see someone else. Is that cheating? No. Since the trust is long gone and the marriage is for mere convenience for them and the kids and the society and nothing more. Is swapping of partner or threesome cheating? Again no. And for once i think It may not be a completely bad idea in the modern times.  If as polygamous humans we are attracted to other people then can that one night not only satisfy our hormones but also keep the relationship intact. I may be wrong here and you may not agree with me. Well sometimes even i don't agree with myself. Let me just give you an example. Tom if my partner thinks that she is bored and wants to try and have sex with someone else.. i would probably be livid. but if she comes and tells me that she got drunk and had sex with some one say at an office offsite I may be angry with her but will be more than ready to accept it as a one off incident as long as it remains that. Though i may force her to change jobs. Same way if i were to ever feel sexually attracted to someone i will never be able to leave my partner and have sex with some one else unless my partner is also part of the act. Why? Well for once it will not only give me the confidence that I'm not lying or hiding anything but also my partner will probably have the trust in me and may also spice things up between us.

No I'm not justifying sex here in different formats but only giving an example of what might be ok in given circumstances. Sexual attraction is one of the biggest reasons for cheating.

Having said that there is also something called emotional cheating which I believe is a bigger sin than sexual cheating. Why? Cause you can sleep with someone and still go back to your normal life but once the emotional cord is broken it can never ever be mended back again.Why do people do that? simple as i said have your cake and eat it too. Most people don't want to break their current relationships for fear of society, sake of kids or family pressure but they are emotionally miles apart from their partners and hence the reason to cheat or depend upon someone else for emotional needs. These days we spend mos of our time at work and very few waking hours at home and even fewer with our partners and this is where the emotional gap and needs begin to rise and soon we find succor in someone else and most often that is at work. In olden days cheating used to be much less. why? simple husband comes home.. wife is a housewife she has already done everything and ready to spend time with her husband. No i'm not saying women should stay at home but just pointing out one benefit of doing so. I think once two people have realized that they are growing apart then its time to call it quits or be open about the fact and either call it quits or be ready to live in an open marriage where the pretense of trust is not there.

Also then there is something called financial cheating where a woman for example is attracted by a richer guy and lured by his money ready to spend more time both emotionally or sexually for the lure. This my friends is the dirtiest of all kinds and i'm not even willing to write on this any further.

What is not cheating then? Well just about anything you do with the prior knowledge or willful acceptance or  and participation of your partner  will not be called cheating. Be it sex or sharing some time or whatever you may call it.

This is a topic where i can go on and on but i shall limit my thoughts to only these may words and leave the rest for you to ponder  and comment or email to me.