Bull shit Love Advice....you dont want to have... really!!

Since I had nothing better to do and was flipping through channels I happened to catch a chick flick tonite called "The Ugly Truth" on HBO. hmmm... an interesting movie with an interesting perspective which made me realize the loads of love and romance advice out there on so called lifestyle websites ... trust me all that is bull shit out there... especially if you were to read the timesofindia.com .. most are simply copied from some firang website explaining best places and positioned to have sex... the only thing they change there are names... for god sake who has a patio or a porch or an attic in India to make out.. and even Mukesh Ambani does not have have a garage or a secluded garden to do it in...or for that matter articles like "5 best ways to get pregnant" explaining 5 different poses. duh... what does a pose have to do with pregnancy.. and I swear we Indians do know about that we after all are more than 1 billion and we did not get to that figure by cloning did we?
    But anyway i decided to start my own yes very own love and relationships column or lets just say post till i can figure out if i can write another one on the same topic.Now you would ask what kind of relationship advice will a 35 year old , pot bellied geek who is starting to go bald at places and tries to hide it by growing his hai longer at other places(no im not talking of pubic hair u perverts) and eats pizzas and burgers and drinks beer and lives to write on his macbook air and use his iphone and ipod which very few people get to see since he does not take them out to work and has very few friends and is single with trip between the valleys of twin peeks or the jungles of heaven or the tunnel of joy for at-least last 2 years and is still single .... what can he tell us... well Ladies and gentleman i for one am the perfect person to give you advice since having gone through enough relationships and failure i have the relevant experience  way more that most of you put together ... like 8 in 6 months sound... no no i am no Casanova but a failure at being the pretentious and sweetheart for most women.. i am what they would call a jerk who loves his beers and comps and games and TV and every so often his work and books too...

Anyway so what shall i write.... err... advice about today.. how to seduce women/men? how to snare a good catch? how to have the perfect orgasm? lol no no no mmmmmm na na na na ok decided..

Lest give some genuine advice to women directly from a man... not that women need to know but i will give it anyway..yes yes i hear that from all the women out there just give the guy some sex or a blow job to be precise , a good sport on tv and a beer and you don't have to worry about any other advice. yes that's absolutely true but lets face it some men have evolved from that a little bit and a on a few occasions...well to prove it don't we have Gay and metro sexual men now? ok ok don't fret there are a few nice gentlemen out there who every once in a while are not that gentle and don't the women love it but only once in a while.. we all love the bad guy or girl as the case maybe... ok lets finally go to the topic of the day.

How to make a day special for the one you love in 10 simple steps?
This one is for the women out there married or dating. A simple idea about an ideal date within the city to make it special for your man. The kinds he will love. It is your anniversary, his birthday or you are simply trying to make up after a nasty fight this simple date idea will rock him off his knockers and will leave you all smiling and in control the following day.

1. Tell him to come home early for something important the whole idea is a surprise after all. 
2. When he reaches home you should be ready to go out. Dressing is imp... its winters now but most likely he will have a decent car with a decent heater and you are going to a nice place so don't worry about the chill and wear something sexy.. cleavage is good but don over do it.. you want to seduce him not the other people around  wear nice short dress or a shortish skirt with some cleave showing top.. and good lingerie is very imp try and wear a dark one like black or dark green under say a white or a lemon yellow top.. you get the idea.. stilettos are preferable.. and good phus phus(perfume) is a must.
3. You should pre book some nice movie tickets at a decent multiplex. make sure its a nice happy movie.. one with some sexy scenes will help. English or Hindi.. it depends on your mutual taste, time and whats running...
4. Make sure you pick a movie which ends near dinner time.. after the movie get him a small gift.. men are wossies buy him a good book or a video game or even buy sexy lingerie for yourself with him. just ask him for his advice at what kinds would he like to take off you.. it will have him lusting already...
5. Take him to a nice dinner at an upmarket place. If u get time excuse yourself to the ladies room and send him a dirty sms and tell him that you are not wearing any underwear... and watch his face when you get back...
6. Offer to pay for the dinner. make sure by the time you leave the place its late...
7. Ask him to buy flowers for you and then go for a nice drive before you head home .. and once you have the flowers.. and the car is speeding thru a desolate area quietly take slip off your panties and put them on his lap and telll him i told you i am not wearing any...by now he will be wanting to head home straint away.. ask him to pull over and give him a kiss and nothing more...
8. When you reach home just touch him or yourself at the wrong places while you are in the elevator/stairs/basement parking.. just tease him...
9. Once home don't switch on the lights but light a few scented candles and  open a bottle of sparkling wine preferable but you can choose between that or a champagne or normal wine.. choose your poison as per  the occasion and your wallet.
10. Talk dirty to him while you drink your wine and watch him go mad...and let the moment take over till you wake up next morning .. wake him up with a kiss and both of you will never forget this evening ever...

 If it works for you come back to this blog and post a comment or email me .....have a wonderful time and a nice evening....